FUCK SAKE

This is my first blog, yet probably one of the most pissed off rants i shall post

Well, Everything seems to piss me off at the moment.
For years i have bottled up so much anger, now it appears to be letting itself out and it huge amounts! at the moment i really feel like beating the utter SHIT out of something.
first things first!
I want you see this AND SEE HOW MUCH PAIN AND SHIT YOU'VE PUT ME THROUGH
You said to me, You hate cheaters! THEN WHAT THE FUCK WAS ALL THAT ABOUT
and not only once, nooo! and the worst part is, I HAD TO FIND OUT OFF MY BEST FUCKIN MATE! not you.
At first when he told me about yer msn convo's i thought i was a load of bollocks. I asked to see them and he said matt probably deleted them by that point!
I'm sorry for not believing you!
ALSO, I fucked you about, i'll admit, but what you dont was on a new fucking level!
you made me promise never to fuck you about again, i stuck to that promise. And i'm sure you promised you would never hurt me.
fuckin done a great job of that didn't yi!
anyways i think that's about you!
just pissin me off even more when i'm tryin to calm down

Lori, I miss you so much. I think about you quite alot, i also think your death has alot to do with it, you were like an older brother to me. You made me laugh, the last memory i have of you is we were waiting outside a shop whilst my mum and Julie were inside, you were jumping over the barrier outside and stuff then helping me jump over. Those are great memories, until the day when you done it. I Hate you for doing it but with what you went through i don't blame you. but Why? WHY NOT FUCKING TALK TO SOMEONE ABOUT IT! the day i found out i completely broke down, to be completely honest i still do, at this very moment i'm crying, just the thought of reliving that day when my mum told me what happened... FUUUUUUUUUUUUCCCCCCCCCCCCCKKKKKKKKKKKKK!!!! WWWHYYYYYY?
and you know what the worst part is?
i keep having recurring dreams AND YOU ARE ALWAYS THERE! Telling me how sorry you are, i hate it! i forgive you so stop messing with my head pleaassee! i cant take much more of it!
I respect you and disrespect you!
I respect you for how you done it, its better than anything else. better than taking anything/overdosing. its better than harming yourself!
but i disrepect you for doing it!
i miss you! you were the greatest person in my life!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
so please get out of my head! i hate you coming to see me every night and telling me you're sorry!

other than those two reasons its all to do with just never letting out anger, always trying to be happy BUT I CANT FUCKING DO IT ANYMORE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!