AShotgunInMyHands

omgg, i can't do this.
6 days, 6 FUCKING days!
not enough time to prepare, the stress of it is overwhelming, i feel sick, i feel frustrated and pissed off. i actually can't be fucked playing guitar just now because of it all.
don't know who's coming, don't care tbh, just don't want to do it.
it's killing me inside thinking about it.
i can see an epic fail, i'm not even kidding,
we've had 1 practice, 1 fucking practice.
then we have another practice, the day BEFORE the gig.
how is that going to help?
we need to prepare!!!!
should have left it a while, till like... february or something
but ah well, it's too late now, 6 days and i've just started to think about it.
can't fucking believe it.
considering we only have like 3/4 songs, and then a bunch of samples?! should have gave it time, time for us to learn things, time for us to work on it as a band, time so that i wouldn't be stressing over it.

GIIGGG AND SHIT :)

heellooooo!
been a while... ae?! ;D
well..
the most fun things.
I went to FIVE FINGER DEATH PUNCH last week with Kay, Alex and le Father ;D
it was AMAZING!
i went crowd surfing to shake Ivan's hand and got punch in le bollocks about 5(five) times.
got the back by kicking them in the face though ;D :L 'twas awesome.
i also shoved my dad into the big fat sweaty topless guy that you see at every gig, yeah, you know who i mean. aha he looked like he was going to slaughter him aha.
so all in all it was an amazing gig, and during the break a guy gave me some fuckin brilliant advice.
went a little like this...
"awryt wee man, AH... sorry, almost fell on top of yi there :L :S, sorry i've had a bit too much to drink, i get li..............but heres some fucking brilliant advice. Buy a big ass hip flask, put milk in it for about a week, it'll smell disgustin, but it'll actually expand the bottle...flask...thing....................aye.....erm.....aye... because the milk goes aw weird it expands and makes the flask convex rather than concaved."
i've not tried it, but he was a scary man so i think i will, otherwise he'll hunt me down and kill me for not listening to him :)
so aye.
GGYG. we have been working our ARSES off to play the gig (which was 2 nights ago now) aha.
it went utterly amazing.
i say thank you to the band for being amazing, and for the first time EVER in ggyg history, we made no mistakes and managed to tune realllly quickly.
also to the crowd (the half at the left of us) cause they actually joined in and didn't make me look like an arse with me going "C'MON START MOVING. JUMP JUMP JUMP JUMP" like i say, only half did :(/:)
but it was utterly amazing.
we have another gig (November Can Wait) on the 21st at Ivory Blacks, £6 BE THERE ;D
i have some tickets so contact me if you want a ticket
07931376073 :)
NAE PRANKYS ;D aha
annnddd i'm out
xxx

VideoBloggage.!

Spook!

well, it's been a wee while since i've posted.
college is really good, startin to write scripts for our own radio shows on monday :) should be rather ghiid :)
i've had a fun filled weekend, went up town on friday, hopin to get steamin and have a beast of a night. but naebody was up :( so stayed up for a wee while, then went back and stayed at kay's :)
we played deal or no deal (board game version) ;D
was pretty shiit :L
but it wasted 40 minutes or so.
saturday;
went up town about 4pm, got my wine and went up the spot. we got a taxi and got a wanker of a taxi driver, whom i ended up startin on when we got out the taxi :L
"wanker!"
"WHIIT DID YOU CALL ME?!"
"Called yi a WANKER!"
"fuck you ya prick!"
"MOAN THEN!!!!"
"Wtf does 'moan then' mean?"
"MOOAAANNN THEENNNNN!!!!"
"ahh fuck yeez!"
good times.
so, we got up the spot and started drinkin :)
got drunk and sang, as per.
then had a fun filled evening of threatening to bottle everycunt that went past for something which probably never happened. but no one knows for sure what's going on, so we've left it.
then i threw my bottle away that was a silly idea apparently :S when i was told to leave it :L
then i was told it was a silly idea cause i threw it, i was supposed to put it in thebin :L.
aw well xD
but aye, got in chris' car and gave kay a lift to her sisters.
me chris and terry went to asda for fags.
drove back to terry's and made pizza and garlic bread :P
was ghiid :)
then me and chris were being total music/insturment fanatics for a wee while :L
then chris and terry went 'to bed'. we all know what for ;D
chris was even nice enough to give me earphones in case i heard funny noises from the bedroom xD, thank god.
so, i sat on msn and spoke to kay for a few hours, then she went to bed :(
and here i am basically :)
i'm not going to sleep :)
i really don't want to :/ not in the mood for sleeping,
i have 3 fags to last me the rest of the night D:
but ah wellll...
so.
i plan to start a video blog :)
will start my first one on moday night/tuesday morning :)
so they will all be up rooughly between the hours of midnight and 4 am :)
depending on what time i can be arsed recording.
well that's all for now :)
catch yeezz :)
JumJom
x

SadButTrue.

Well this weekend was ghiid :)
went to get alex at lunch on friday at school so's we could go up towny and get him clothes for the pairty XD
so we went to topman and i got alex student discounts and he managed to hold of a scarf :L twas awesome.
so then we went back to the square and sat for a while. waitin for Facial, but she never showed up, so we got the bus back to alex's and i helped him tidy XD
"do yi want some grapes"
"ahahaa.. no thanks :L... wait... are those real?!"
ghiid times.
so i swept alll the grapes and leaves that had fallen in the garden house with a brush designed for midgets D: i hurted mine back :( but ah well.
then me and alex heard a car and we sprinted to see who it was (we done that plenty of times through the night) and there was no one there :( we felt like arses... but snowball randomly appeared out of no where. so we sat about for a wee while and waited for people to show up. they eventually did :L
once everyone showed up we got the drink oot ;D
everyone was havin a ghiid time XD
so many people fell cause of 'the wet decking' :L suuurrreeee.
once everyone was pretty tipsy we started piling in the hot tub. i wore snowballs swimmin shorts ;D :L. took me ages to tie them cause i was pretty wrecked xD
i eventually got in the hot tub.
canni mind what we were doing but the weirdest thing happened, something i really didn't expect by a long shot. i was sittin next to kay and something kind of clicked.
it was weird cause... i dunno just didn't expect it to happen, then i kinda just blurted out to her
'would you ever want to try things again' and she was all like'wha...what do yi mean?'
'i mean us...'
so aye, me and kay are now going back out :). bet yi didn't see that coming ;D
but aye anyways.
we played spin the bottle and snowball was gettin pulls from everywhere :O it was insane yet funny :L.
after a while of fun and games in the hottub we all came out. and kay had kept my jeans for me sp they didn't get nicked or that nothing stupid happened to them (ie tobasco sauce poured down them...AGAIN' so thank god that never happened XD
buuuttt...
i couldn't find kay, therefore couldn't find my clothes. and i was running about screamin for about 20 minutes shouting 'I CANNI FIND MY FUCKIN CLAES, IT'S FUCKIN FREEZIN AAHHHHHHH! :L'....:L it was epic... but cold D:
so i eventually got my jeans, fuck knows where anyone found them but they did, thank you whoever it was :L canni mind.
but kay came back after about 5 minutes and was like :O i'm sooo sorry i totally forgot :L aye cheers babe ;D x
but then we had the next task...
i tied the shorts too tight and it was like tied round my back and in a bitch of a knot and i couldn't it off, so i started screamin again :L it was actually fuckin agony, so after a few minutes people started nibblin at my ass ;D tryin to get hte knot out of course :L.
people were like are you okay...
i just replied with a very sly remark... sort of :L
"NO I'M NOT FUCKING OKAY, I HAVE A ROPE TIED ROUND ME AND SLICING MY BACK!" :L
yeah, i become very argumentative when drunk and in pain/cold :L XD
but aye, after i got free'd and got my clothes on, me and kay went back to hers :)
stayed up talking to her parents for a wee while then we went to bed :)
and i was sure we stayed up talking till like 4 am but apparently i passed out and woke up about then :L. but ah well ae.
so in the morning i had water and cocodomol. felt good after about 40 minutes :)
so we never done much on saturday morning, just stayed in... cause i was like total bleehhhh, and kept almost passing out lying on the couch aha, but i felt sick too D:
but we then had actual breakfast :L
then went to her sisters to get her nephew cause we were babysitting him :)
stayed there forr a wee while then trekked back to kay's gettin funny looks cause we had the wean :O judging cunts.
but aye, we sat up with him until he had his supper and fell asleep and what not, but we ended going to bed at like the back o' 10 :O shattered liiikkeess.
but aye.
in the morning we got and watched the wean got him breakfast and everything, then i got forced to eat :O
so i ate :(
we went to the bus stop to check the bus times cause we had to take the wean back to kay's sisters., but had missed the bus by like 3 miinutes D:
so we went back to the house and just got scot back out and let him play till some guy called Deek...(i think) came and got him and took him back to kay's sisters :)
but so we waited for a bit cause our bus wasn't for like half an hour.... then we missed that one aswell cause we forgot about it :L.
so we waited till the next one guess what... we got it, woooooooo.
so we went to kay's sisters not knowing where we were supposed to get off or that? :L
total asking the bus driver where the spar in camelon was... he didn't even ken :O
but i remember where it was like 2 minutes before we arrived at it :L
so we got the house awryt :L.
stayed for a wee while, long enough to ken the house was haunted :L.
and confusing with its crazy ass outdoor stair case.
then we went to mines :) cause i need clothes and shit :) and kay wanted to see my brother... awwwww.... :L
so we stayed at mines for a few hours and then went back to kays sisters :)
stayed up watching somethin about the 9/11 incident. twas rather upsetting... says kay 8-) :L
but aye, we went to bed after that and talked for ages :) it was niceXD
in the morning we went to see Final Destination 3D
twas laame, but was quite funny at some parts.
after the film, we went to back to mines so i could get my hair dyed aha :)
it's went a bit ginger D: but ah well... i still think it looks nice :)
but i think thats enough :)
it's pretty long :L



imagine trying to criticise :L!

TheDayThatNeverComes.

well i've decided it was a stupid idea tbh aha, i've been convinced for weeks now that i should just give up. But since when have I been the type to give up?
aha... retorical :L
but aye, so i'm back on the market :L
no point in giving up, it's just fucks up everything to be totally honest so aye :)
i'm back to my old self now ;D
xxx

ForSure

that's it.
fuckin NEVER again,
i tried and did it work? NAW.
i've obviously lost everything i had >=(
so ken, it's over, i said i'd try and i did.
so why all this hurting? that's why i've given up.
sorry if anyone does actually like me, but yeez are too late, tonight was the chance to prove it!
so fuck it,
yeez will probably not see me for a long time!

WhiteLightsHaveTurnedToRed

well... it's final, last attempt

if that doesn't work then i'm finished.

possibly for life :/ but ah well ae, it's for the best

can't be that bad... surely.

i want to just give up now, cause it would be so much easier on myself basically. stop me trying for no reason.

if nothin turns up, then nomis eats his shoes and i give up.

sounds fair.

who am i kidding? nothins going to turn up. my mind is settled at that... well not setlled at all, but it's made.

it's quite clear now, it's because i'm purposely dragging myself away from it.

stops me hurtin people doesn't it?

YouWantItAll,ButYouCan'tHaveIt!

wtf?
totally uncalled for, fair enough i did kinda ask for it but you could've just said, i can't make you happy or something like that. uncalled for.
i don't want your apologies!!!

DO YOU REMEMBER??????????

FUCKIN HELL
WHAT THE FUCK IS GOING ON
FUUUUUUUUUUCCCCCCCCCCKKKKKKKKKKK!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

I'M THROUGH WITH THIS!!!!!! I FUCKIN HATE IT ALL THE NOW!!
I DON'T EVEN FUCKIN KNOW WHY?
BUT I WOULD LOVE SOMEBODY TO TELL ME!
I CAN'T BE FUCKED WITH ANYTHING/ANYONE!
IT'S ME AND YOU AGAINST THE FUCKING WORLD!

thank you for always being my best mate.... i love you man! <3 xxx

ThisIsn'tOverYet,AndWe'veOnlyJustBegun!

tonight has been rather ghiid :)
went tae the grans, collected the warlock and put it in le maw's car ;D, got the bus up town afterwards.
met zander and manda at the bus station conveniently XD, sat at the square with zander, manda, meesh, johnny, danni, nomis, danielle, meep, dean (for a wee while) and dionne.
me, meep and danni split a bottle of glen's XD. went down the park for a wee while, then headed up to the hill half a bottle later. started talking to danni about how shit some things are :/. but ayee xD
stayed there for a couple of hours then danni and i walked to the bus station. she got her bus so i walked round to get mines, zander and manda appeared aswell :L adn were like 'Jamie YER BUS IS RIGHT THERE!!!' how they knew it was my bus, i haven't a clue, but thank fuck they did :L

When I got in i sat and watched 'Hide and Seek' cause it's totally amazin.
Then i came on msn and what not :L.
i was then in desperate need of a fag cause i lost all of mines D: and my dad took his tobacco away with him D:D:. so i started asking about and no one had any D:, but then i noticed Ami was online and was like 'ken if i sprinted to yours, could i tap a fag?' so thats what happened :L and now i'm very sore and very sweaty and feel sick, but i did get a fag ;D
Thank You Ami = ).

It'sJustAHolidayForYou!

You're sooo fuckin lucky btw, cause i probably would have killed you. i mean fair enough, they took everything. but why do that? you weren't fucking there at the time you arrogant piece of shit!
that would have got everyone in shit except you!!

YoungCardinals

I've had a rather giid weekend :)

Friday: Had a giid day at work... mainly cause all i had up until i finished was 5 cans of GoFast Energy Drink (High Caffeine Content without the 'Jittery Crash' afterwards (as it says on the can)) and a wispa :L.

went up town... met Chris who is rather awesome, from Livingston D: lol at him ;D.

he went to central news for my drink :) which was rather nice considerin he all over town for everyone else's drink D:

so once i had my drink, i went up the spot and got absolutely rat arsed :L can't remember much of the last hour or two haha.

went home and watched something... :L live at the apollo (i think). but i didn't find it very funny. i felt rather upset for some reason :S

went out for a fag then bed :L

got up on saturday morning at like... half 7 i think it was lol. and my calf's were really sore haha.

I sat and watched tv and ate my coco pops ;D That's right COCO POPS FTW :L :) i enjoy my coco pops.

2 hours and 3 bowls of coco pops later, i decided i would go get ready for town cause i wanted to go up early to buy clothes, but instead i met Twitch on the bus so i ended up hanging about with him and some lassy who i think was called Siobhan, but i'm not sure :L... aw well

but then i went to the square and met someone... i think it may have been Zander and Grant... not sure though.

so was talking to them and then people started to appear :)

me and Zander ended up gettin into a small play fight... so i judo flipped him ;D sort of haha.

then yet again, got Chris to go in for drink :) then it started to rain D: so we went under the links.

we thought the spot would be a fail D:, but we got chris to go down to lidl for dean's drink, then walked up the spot :)

turned out pretty damn giid :)

dean, chris, meep and I (probably someone else, but can't remember who) went to the chippy :)

got chips xD then Dean and I got the bus back to mines ;D cause he was stayin.

we pestered my dad to go to the shop for more drink and fags, but he was drinkin :( so we never got any more :( :L

then we watched most of "Castaway". was rather funny :)

then played guitar hero with dean, my dad and alisha for a few hours :L was giid :)

and we played the burpin/safe/doorknob game with my dad (whatever it's actually called)

*Burp* "safe" *Burp* "safe" *Burp*....... "DOORKNOB" "aahhhh, Why are yeez hittin me??" "say five types of fish and we'll stop hittin yi" "Thighs a type of fish?" "NO, FIVE...TYPES...OF...FISH HAHA" "awcht, nut... fuck off" :L lol

went to bed at about 2 or somethin D: rather early for a saturday night..../sunday mornin... :S. but aw well

woke up about half 11, got ready, had coffee, went out for a fag, walked down the the layby at the old high school so dean could get picked up, i walked down to sainsbury's (somerfields better) to get a sandwhich and shit :)

walked down to my grans... wiisni in. so i went and got the bus up town,

met grant and lahn and zander, then others came up :)

Zander,Manda and I went shopping so i could get new clothes :) and Zander was a great help :) he helped me get a full new outfit ;D i picked the shoes though xD.

so that was giid and also cost me £77 altogether :)

but well... thats about ennough from me :)

so bye until next time ;D

Sanctity of brothers

i CHOKED

If You Were Dead Or Still Alive

I try to make it through my life, in my way, there's you
I try to make it through these lies, and that's all I do

Just don't deny it,
Don't try to fight this ,and deal with it
and that's just part of it,

If you were dead or still alive
I don't care, I don't care
Just go and leave this all behind
Cause i swear (i swear),i don't care

I try to make you see my side
Always trying to stay in line
But your eyes see right through
That's all they do

I'm getting buried in this place
I got no room your in my face
don't say anything just go away

Seek And Destroy

what the fuck??
was that really necessary?
i would love to ken how i'm a liar tbh??
is it because i'm like not worthy of you or something? HA, right then
this is all thanks to you. just want you to ken that!!!

I Don't Care, I Don't Care.

I shouldn't deserve that!!!

Sometimes Goodbye Is A Second Chance

Well... things haven't been going to well since sunday :/

I'm moving back to Denny.

It's for the best, it'll stop me being stressed/depressed and hopefully due to this i shall be able to concentrate better at work and stuff because i've been going downhill D:

I'm going to help Nom with his bass... again ;D cause i'm awesome :)

i'm trying to think of the positives of all this.

being able to balance out between dionne and mates :)

(8) So the beast resides in me, Deep down I always knew, I never really did fit in(8)

I've started listening to old bands such as Iced Earth, Motley Crue and Annihilator :)

Lyrics above Iced Earth: Damien

they are fuckin awesome :) They are like total old school metal mixed with a choir :) lol

god, i've never been good at writing these blogs haha :) so imma go now ;D catcheeeezzzzzzz x

TakeALookToTheSky

It's so shit just now.

I'm getting stressed all the time for no reason.

I want things how they used to be,

I want Nomis and I to reunite from the old days.

I want me and deano to hang about more :)

I want to know why i'm stressed D:

But soon enough I'll be 17 :) and I shall go back to plan A and buy a hippy van, I shall do it up and convert it to living suitings.

So who wants to meet me at the Karting at 6pm on friday and buy some laps??

I've not used any of my free shots yet haha :) and whoever comes with me will get 40 laps for £15 xD.

Campin this weekend??. we shall make it for nomis and chris' return ;D

i plan to get rat-arsed ;D

"What I've Felt, What I've Known. Turn The Pages, Turn To Stone!"

Metallica are fuckin awesome :) they're lyrics are so meaningful.

My recent feelings are said through "The Unforgiven 3 - Metallica" and if you don't understand the meaning then you suck ;D.

well i've ran out of more shite things to say :( lol

byeee x

Unforgiven II

Just cause i'm listening to it and i fuckin love it :)

Lay beside me, tell me what they've done
Speak the words I want to hear, to make my demons run
The door is locked now, but it's open if you're true
If you can understand the me, than I can understand the you.

Lay beside me, under wicked sky
Through black of day, dark of night, we share this pair of lives
The door cracks open, but there's no sun shining through
Black heart scarring darker still, but there's no sun shining through
No, there's no sun shining through
No, there's no sun shining

What I've felt, what I've known
Turn the pages, turn the stone
Behind the door, should I open it for you?

What I've felt, what I've known
Sick and tired, I stand alone
Could you be there?, 'cause I'm the one who waits for you
Or are you unforgiven too?

Come lay beside me, this won't hurt I swear
She loves me not, she loves me still, but she'll never love again
She lay beside me, but she'll be there when I'm gone
Black heart scarring darker still, yes she'll be there when I'm gone
Yes, she'll be there when I'm gone
Dead sure she'll be there!

What I've felt, what I've known
Turn the pages, turn the stone
Behind the door, should I open it for you?

What I've felt, what I've known
Sick and tired, I stand alone
Could you be there?, 'cause I'm the one who waits for you
Or are you unforgiven too?

(Solo)

Lay beside me, tell me what I've done
The door is closed, so are your eyes
But now I see the sun, now I see the sun
Yes now I see it!

What I've felt, what I've known
Turn the pages, turn the stone
Behind the door, should I open it for you?

What I've felt, what I've known
So sick and tired, I stand alone
Could you be there?, 'cause I'm the one who waits,
The one who waits for you

Oh what I've felt, what I've known
Turn the pages, turn the stone
Behind the door, should I open it for you?
(So I dub thee unforgiven)

Oh, what I've felt
Oh, what I've known!

I take this key (never free)
And I bury it (never me) in you
Because you're unforgiven too

Never free
Never me
'Cause you're unforgiven too!

Until It Sleeps

well... staying at my grans the night :) lol

watching "Hotel Rwanda" ;D cause it's awesome :)

hold on, bout to spark up XD haha.

right okay, 

aye, i miss it, but recently you're being an utter prick, and tbh i can't understand why cause it's not her fault. did yi not stop to think that maybe i wanted to leave that house? remember how i used to permanently complain about how i needed to get outof there, well now i have. i mean sure enough i don't see mates as often, but thats due to the fact of me being skint, it's not down to her being controlling, cause she's not.

i would love to sort thing out between us, but you need to be understanding. sure it may not last forever but it is for now, and for now i live with her. i love her, if you made the time to plan stuff rather than at the last minute (which i've realised isn't always the best choice) then we could have time together, but when nothing is planned nothing happens. so ken, if you want to spend more time with yer best mate then phone or drop us a text and it'll happen, and dionne doesn't need to be there.

so ken anytime man phone me or text me and we'll arrange it, but you need to stop yer shite towards her before anything happens.

"bro's before hoe's" in certain cases man, stop yer shite and it'll be cool we can get back to the back gardens.

borrreeedddd...

well...
the night i went to my grans to stay cause dionne's goin out early,
so... i'm bored and this fuckin stupid pc keeps crashin on me and its like grrrrr >:(
well tomorrow... nuhin planned lol, i'll need to phone caroline about this gig roadie jobs or whatever else she has for me and ask her wiit i'm supposed to put on my timesheet to make sure i still get paid ;D lol

erm... no much else to say haha

very short blog........... catch :)

THE NIGHTTTT :)

well...
Dionne's gettin ready :) and mark's here.
I'm already ready :)... only because Dionne done my hair for me :L.
well we're just waitin for dionne and then goin up town :)
GAWNI GET CRUNNK!!!!
Mark just screamed at a couple of ethnic children.
anywho.
aye so we're away to get drink and stuff :)
then goin to see some lassy who i cant remember the name of... aw well
and the TO THE SPOT.
sorry her name is claire.
so aye
we shall get very drunk and me and shall SING :L
then once we;re drunk enough we're goin to alex's :)
shall be fun as always xD
we have a special bridge in which we like to sit at for hours and talk about everything ;D
then i shan't have a clue what happens the rest of the night :L...

so aye :) giid night lined up, and i'm going to leave yi all here so that i can go and get me booze ;D

CATCHHHHHHHH xx :)

Ema oan the keyyys.

jamie is mah pure solo pal. i quite think his hair is awsome, an he can open backdoors/has fags. i like laptops cause i pure dini hae yin haha tbh tonight has been quite gid. nomis is in the loo spewing it up. me and jamies internet surfin. its pretty gid. van wilder is also oan which makes me go XD and im also pretty crunk. which results in me and nomis gettin crunk in the moony. hahah nomis and jamie are legends, solo and bawheed. gid blokes :) catchi blog folk. xxxx

All Nighter

Well basically i stayed at dionne's for 2 nights,

The first night, Never got much sleep. Playin Guitar Hero World Tour for hours on end :) it was giid, then we decided to plug in a mic and just sing like lots of stuff :) didn't ken the words to half the songs D: :L it was epic :) then her dad came in and moaned cause we were bein to loud D:
and he was topless and i was like +o( :L!!! no offence alan :)
So we turned off world tour and watched crocodile dundee, then i had a wee emotional moment :/ didn't like it!
so i went and smoked... quite alot actually, about 5 in 15 minutes or so D: i was doin well at cuttin down tae :( but it's all good now :)

i then went back to bed and napped :)... well slept from about 5am till about 5pm :) but it's kinda of nap.... a very long one :)

Woke up, had dinner (It was meatloaf :S i thought it only existed in America), then went back up stairs :) We watched "Alan Carr's The Tooth Fairy Live" it was funny :) i've already seen it like 3 times, but yeah it was still pretty funny :) Then we watched the IT crowd :L first time i'ev watched it D: it's sooo funny :)
*presses buttons on keyboard as if typing lots*
"Since your the new 'Boss', would you like me to access the data supplier and hook it up to the matrix?"
"*Puzzled look*... You just made all of that up"
"... erm... YOU KNOW NOTHING ABOUT COMPUTERS"
"*manly voice* GET BACK THROUGH THERE AND DO SOME WORK, I'LL BE THROUGH TO CHECK ON YOU IN A MINUTE... and Moss, What are you doing down there?"
"I was just going to plug in your computer"
"...ah."

enough of that :L
so aye anyways, after the IT Crowd Dionne and I searched for Holidays :)
looked for ages :) found a 5 star B&B In Cyprus... Paphos i think, Only £949 including flights and sutff +D, so hopefully get to go there :)
then we just watched shite on the tv and never slept at all as there was no point cause it was about 6am and we had to be up and ready for 1030 hours D: so we just stayed up :)

then at 1030 dionne's sister arrived to take us to the doctor for Dionne's blood test :)
so we never left till 1050 when the appointment was at 1045 and still we apparently weren't late :) :L somehow :S
then when we got back Dionne's sister fixed Dionne's hair and Vice Versa
then i was total ko'ing on the couch :L so we decided to go upstairs for nap, and thank god we did cause i felt so much better.
We lazed about for pretty much the rest of the day, except when we went to boots so i could buy some stress relieving pills :) and they work +D and as a bonus they don't taste like shit :L
but turns out they also help insomnia so as i type this my eyes are struggling to stay open and i think i am swaying back and forth :L

well that about it for now so....
byeeee :) x

FUCK SAKE

This is my first blog, yet probably one of the most pissed off rants i shall post

Well, Everything seems to piss me off at the moment.
For years i have bottled up so much anger, now it appears to be letting itself out and it huge amounts! at the moment i really feel like beating the utter SHIT out of something.
first things first!
I want you see this AND SEE HOW MUCH PAIN AND SHIT YOU'VE PUT ME THROUGH
You said to me, You hate cheaters! THEN WHAT THE FUCK WAS ALL THAT ABOUT
and not only once, nooo! and the worst part is, I HAD TO FIND OUT OFF MY BEST FUCKIN MATE! not you.
At first when he told me about yer msn convo's i thought i was a load of bollocks. I asked to see them and he said matt probably deleted them by that point!
I'm sorry for not believing you!
ALSO, I fucked you about, i'll admit, but what you dont was on a new fucking level!
you made me promise never to fuck you about again, i stuck to that promise. And i'm sure you promised you would never hurt me.
fuckin done a great job of that didn't yi!
anyways i think that's about you!
just pissin me off even more when i'm tryin to calm down

Lori, I miss you so much. I think about you quite alot, i also think your death has alot to do with it, you were like an older brother to me. You made me laugh, the last memory i have of you is we were waiting outside a shop whilst my mum and Julie were inside, you were jumping over the barrier outside and stuff then helping me jump over. Those are great memories, until the day when you done it. I Hate you for doing it but with what you went through i don't blame you. but Why? WHY NOT FUCKING TALK TO SOMEONE ABOUT IT! the day i found out i completely broke down, to be completely honest i still do, at this very moment i'm crying, just the thought of reliving that day when my mum told me what happened... FUUUUUUUUUUUUCCCCCCCCCCCCCKKKKKKKKKKKKK!!!! WWWHYYYYYY?
and you know what the worst part is?
i keep having recurring dreams AND YOU ARE ALWAYS THERE! Telling me how sorry you are, i hate it! i forgive you so stop messing with my head pleaassee! i cant take much more of it!
I respect you and disrespect you!
I respect you for how you done it, its better than anything else. better than taking anything/overdosing. its better than harming yourself!
but i disrepect you for doing it!
i miss you! you were the greatest person in my life!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
so please get out of my head! i hate you coming to see me every night and telling me you're sorry!

other than those two reasons its all to do with just never letting out anger, always trying to be happy BUT I CANT FUCKING DO IT ANYMORE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!